Adventures--Saria and Malon
by Liberty
Summary: DON'T read this unless you're in the mood for reading sick twisted humor that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Hey, I warned ya, so I don't wanna see any flames.


Adventures--Saria and Malon  
  
  
I dedicate this story to the man in the yellow hat, chapped lips, flannel ponchos, and  
messes on your floor that your parents told you to clean up an hour ago, but you never did it.  
  
  
THIS IS THE AUTHOR'S NOTE. I DEMAND THAT YOU TO READ IT: fwee. I am INSPIRED to write again!!!   
*bounces up and down while listening to gangsta*rap* ^_________^ (NO, I am NOT black!)  
  
  
tee hee hee.  
  
Hm. Well, I don't really have a plot in mind, which means I have to   
think of this story as I go along. Hm.  
And I was just thinkin. My SERIOUS stories...they kinda suck. I'm   
not really good at writing serious stories. I'm really not. Humorous  
is like....me. Ya know? Nope, ya probably don't. And those of you  
who read my complete madness story, the Black Wolf, are probably confused  
but that's okay.   
  
  
OKAY...  
anyways. If I don't start this fic sooner, ff.net is gonna have a heart  
attack and take the fic off as soon as I upload it..cuz I'm known to   
ramble and just make it into one long author's note. And that's not kool.  
  
  
^^;;  
  
  
  
  
Okay.   
  
Fic Time.  
  
  
It was about 3 am in the morning (god this sounds gay already) u_u  
  
and Saria was spending the night at Link's house. NO they're not doing  
what you THINK they're doing...gads, kids, get your minds outta the gutter!  
  
And...well. They were playing Link's N64. He got one for Christmas last year.  
He told me yesterday. A-hem. Anyways. *listens to that gay Aaron Carter  
song to get some weird inspiration* O.o;;  
  
yeah..okay. So Link and Saria are sitting in the dark all alone. And the only light on  
is from Link's tv screen. Of course, they're playing Ocarina Of Time...and Link's at  
the part where little Link visits Zelda in the courtyard for the first time.   
  
Saria stares at the screen...  
  
Saria: Hey, Link?   
Link: mm? (dude since it's 3 in the morning, they're both kinda out of it)  
Saria: ......Do you think Zelda's pretty...?  
  
Link pounds furiously on the orange colored N64 control pad.  
  
Link: wow. That Impa looks even freakier on the game. I mean GOD! If you're gonna make a   
game on base it on actually happenings, then why don't they atleast make us look like we're  
supposed to!  
  
Saria: Link...we DO look like that. And you didn't answer my question...  
Link: WHAT? GOD!! YOUR IRRITATING ME!!  
Saria: I said...DO YOU THINK ZELDA IS PRETTY?  
Link: Do I have to answer that? I know your just gonna hit me over the head with the tv,  
so there's no point in answering...  
  
Saria: Hmph!! I KNEW IT!  
  
Saria grabs the tv outta it's electrical socket and hits Link over the head with it.  
  
Link: ouch...  
  
  
Saria decides that Link is a retard and climbs outta his little tree-house.  
  
Saria: It's OVER, Link, don't even thinking about coming to get me back!  
  
Link, looking confused: Um..since when were we actually going out?  
  
But it was too late. Saria had already left the building.  
  
*Liberty pops in*  
  
So..how do you like the story so far? I know lots of my stories are in script style form,  
but you seriously do not wanna see my humor stories in actual paragraph form...they suck ass.  
  
*Liberty pops back out*  
  
Link just kinda sits in his little bean bag chair and continues playing nintendo.  
He eventually falls asleep, with the game still on.  
  
Liberty: Ouch!! I have to go look at my eye in the bathroom mirror just a sec! Cuz I have an eye   
infection and it REALLY HURTS! The story will be right back!!! =( *is actually serious*  
  
  
i don't think i can write anymore for today. my eye really hurts...I'm going to get offline. Okay?  
  
I'll finish writing later tonight, if I can......=(  
  
  
  
mmkay! I'm back!! My eye is feeling better. See, sometimes when you're in the middle of something  
humorous...something bad could happen. So then you just gotta stop. Anyways. Since I'm better..  
we can start with the story again. ^^;  
  
  
I think we left off with Saria just ditching Link after he called Zelda pretty, correct?  
*moves the scroll bar up* Yep. We did. Right on target.  
  
Saria, completely DEVASTATED that Link was so rude to her, she decided to go out of the forest,  
even though that one little short guy kept trying to get in her way, all she had to do was knock  
him out, and he left her alone =) But..yes. She left. She trudged her way through the field of  
Hyrule Field (oh hell, I caught that one there...yeah, sounded weird, but whatever. I'm not much  
for grammar)  
  
^^;;  
  
  
Continuing.   
  
Malon, for some odd reason or another was standing by a nereby tree. Saria rammed right into her.  
  
Malon: Erm...might I ask as to why you are out so late at night...?  
Saria narrowing her eyes, says: Same to you, farm girl. I'm on an important mission. What are YOU  
doing here?  
Malon: well...actually....um....  
  
Malon appears to be holding a piece of paper. Saria grabs it from her.  
  
Saria: What is this....is this POETRY??  
  
Saria starts to read the poem.  
  
"His hair is as beautiful as the straw hay in the pasture. The cows are mourning for him  
as they sing my sweet melody...into my heart. Even though I must clean up horse dung every night,  
I still wait for him by the water buckets. How I love that knight in shining armor....."  
  
Saria: WHAT THE HELL??? What kind of poetry is THAT???   
  
Malon: ...it's my life work...  
  
Saria: for the love of Nayru...you're really screwed.  
  
Malon: and why is that?  
  
Saria: Because Link is in love with ZELDA, that's why!  
  
Malon, trying not to look hurt.  
  
Malon: Saria. What sort of "secret mission" did you say you were on...?  
  
Saria: None o' yo business so shut yo trap, girl! All ya niggaz out there tryin' to act like me!  
  
Malon is confused.  
  
  
Saria: okay FINE. I'm on a mission to sneak into Hyrule Castle.  
  
Malon: oh, THAT'S original.  
  
Saria: Please...I'm not in the mood for sarcasm...  
  
Malon: um...I wasn't being sarcastic.  
  
Saria (O.o;;): Oh......I see.  
  
Saria: Okay. If you're going to come along and help me, then let's go!  
  
Malon screams: YAY I GET TO GO ON AN ADVENTURE!!!!!!!! ^_________^  
  
Saria: Christ, Malon. That's the FIRST thing that you need to know on going on a mission.  
First of all. It's not an "adventure" it's a mission. and...you also should know that you don't  
scream...especially not at the mission site. do i make myself clear?  
  
Malon: Crystal.  
  
-------------------------------------------  
  
  
  
GUESS WHAT??? I decided I'm going to do CHAPTERS!!! I'm getting so sick of writing, that, I'm going  
to upload this part of the fic as a Prologue....and that means if you actually liked this sick twisted  
piece of writing, then I beg of you, come back and read the next chapter!   
  
Enough said. R/R. Wanna see what ya think. I know I'll get mostly bad reviews....but oh well.  
  
Coming attraction #1: What will happen next? Will Saria and Malon get into Hyrule Castle...?  
With difficulty of course! ^^ And they'll run into some friends along the way....  
  
Coming attraction #2: A brand new story I'm thinking of writing....A FF7 fic!! I'm thinking on making it a SERIOUS  
one too. it'll be all romantic/angsty and such. If that goes well, then I'll make a humor version of it.  
The Final Fantasy series is just too good of a series to waste not writing a fic on.  
Zelda's tried and true. Let's just say that this story will be about Cloud and Aeris. With a jealous  
Tifa...hehe.   
  
...and that's it!!! 


End file.
